Consciousness of Sheep
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Imagine for a moment the scene inside the Cabinet Office on a hot Friday in August. Most of the senior staff are away on holiday while government ministers are at home in their constituencies. And then, just as everyone is packing up for the weekend, a fire chief declares a “major incident” as military support is needed to help contain the arson-induced fires which have left a plume of acrid smoke over much of South Wales. Coming just after government ministers had approved a temporary ban on fireworks and portable barbecues, the declaration created something of an air of confusion and uncertainty. This, in turn, resulted in a major over-reaction as officials turned to the emergency alert system to announce the decision and to impress upon the public the seriousness of the situation. A press release (which the media failed to pick up) was posted on the Cabinet Office website. And moments later, phones across the country sounded the emergency alarm and displayed the text:
“There is a very high risk of wildfires nationally. Residents, landowners and visitors should not undertake any activity that could start a fire, including disposable barbecues, firepits, garden incinerators or fireworks.
“Even a small flame can rapidly develop into a major wildfire placing lives, homes, businesses and emergency responders at risk.
“Follow official updates and report signs of fire immediately by calling 999.”
Across England, that last line triggered a wave of calls to police and fire brigades as people dobbed in their neighbours for such heinous behaviour as having barbecues in the back garden, smoking outdoors, and looking suspiciously like they were about to use a hosepipe to water the garden. In Wales, where less than 20 percent of the population speaks Welsh, the problem was compounded by the English language version of the message arriving up to 10 minutes after the Welsh language alert (although we can at least be thankful the alert didn’t read: “Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith i’w gyfieithu”). Nevertheless, faced with the possibility that World War Three had just broken out, even more people turned to the 999 emergency phone system to find out what action they were meant to take).
This brings us to perhaps the most important question here – whether the situation warranted an emergency alert at all. The declaration of a “major incident” is an inward-facing matter… it is what all public authorities do when an emergency overwhelms their local resources. It is the signal to mobilise resources from elsewhere in the country, rather than to mobilise the public for what – for most of us – was no more than a spectator event.
This is not to say that the exceptionally dry conditions are not a problem, or that it takes a particularly braindead kind of fuckwit to light, or risk setting light to, the side of the local mountain (although one suspects that in some cases at least, those responsible enjoyed the notoriety). Kids have been setting fires on Welsh hillsides for decades. What makes this year different is the lack of rain and the periods of extreme (by UK standards) temperatures.
The emergency alert system, meanwhile, was intended for genuine public-facing emergencies. A French nuclear power station has just done a Chernobyl impersonation, and a cloud of highly radioactive fallout is about to blanket the UK. Or, perhaps, Russia has launched a barrage of hypersonic missiles at us, and we have just minutes to find shelter. Maybe a chemical plant in Cornwall decided to follow in Bhopal’s footsteps and we need to get indoors and close all the doors and windows… you get the idea – all-encompassing disasters that require us all to take immediate action. Not a government plea to give the barbecue a miss this weekend.
In addition to overloading emergency switchboards, and endangering people facing real emergencies, the alert put the lives of domestic abuse victims at risk as phones kept hidden from their abusers suddenly wailed like so many air raid sirens, tipping off their abusers and making it harder to maintain contact with the outside world.
In this respect, Friday’s misuse of the emergency alert system is no more than the usual mission creep that follows government taking any new power – and further evidence that one should avoid giving new powers to a government (particularly one as incompetent as Britain’s) even if the apparent reason seems benign. If there is one thing you can count on government to do, it is to make a bad situation worse.
As you made it to the end…
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